A record 170 lawsuits have been filed around the country concerning voting rights, particularly in regard to the Covid-19 pandemic, and could have a significant impact on voting in November. The Onion looks at some of the most prominent voting rights lawsuits that could affect the 2020 election.

Martin v. Missouri: Challenging Missouri ballot law requiring names of Democratic candidates to be printed in invisible ink.

MacMillan v. NY Board of Elections: Suing New York to grant voting rights to plaintiff’s very smart and gifted 11-year-old daughter.

Ayers v. Abbott: Suing Texas to ban use of masks, disinfectant wipes, and hand sanitizer at voting stations.

Mississippi v. United States: Just suing to ma...

‘We’re Done Here,’ Says Former Commander In Chief

WASHINGTON—Suddenly standing up and ending the interview as the conversation took a more heated turn, former President Barack Obama reportedly stormed out of a taping of The Michelle Obama Podcast Friday after the host continually pressed him on his administration’s drone use policy. “Hey, this is a complete ambush and I don’t have to just sit here and take it,” said the ex-commander in chief, slamming the door of the studio on his way out before returning a few minutes later to continue cussing out Michelle Obama for what he viewed as “unfair ‘gotcha’ questions” about his controversial implementation of over 500 drone strikes during his presidency...

IOWA CITY, IA—Deriding the work’s narrative structure as formulaic and ultimately predictable, local 4-year-old Sophia Newsome issued a pointed critical assessment of the pop-up book Mr. Pottle’s Green Garden Friday, arguing it was overly dependent upon the lifting of colored flaps. “Naturally, I was impressed the first time I turned up a shiny, glitter-adorned flap and Mrs. Rabbit suddenly entered the story, but by the fourth or fifth time it happened, it became clear that [author Janet] Whipple was relying too much on this single device to generate dramatic tension,” said Newsome, admitting she asked her father to put down the book after “patiently enduring” the introductions by flap-lift of Mr. Worm, Mr. Bumblebee, Mr. Mouse, and Miss Frog...

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ECHO, OR—Cursing their inattention and debating whether they should turn around, several U.S. federal agents reportedly had driven three hours away from Portland Friday before realizing an abducted protester was still in the backseat. “Goddamnit, how did we miss him?” said federal agent Steve LaJoie to his partner after hearing muffled cries from a handcuffed man and registering that he must have been unconscious in the backseat of their unmarked vehicle for nearly 200 miles since the operatives had pulled out of Portland. “Shit, we hightailed it out of there so quickly we didn’t even check the backseat. Hey, Dave, did you pick up this guy? I don’t remember grabbing him and shoving him back there. Fuck, our ass is grass if we show up at headquarters with an abducted protester...

Police in Franklin Country, IL have called off their search for missing 12-year-old Brittany Morel after reeling in what they believe to be at least a 20-pounder, which would make it the largest bass ever hooked on Rend Lake.

You can find The Topical on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Stitcher.

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