Illustration for article titled Conservative Conspiracy Theorist Outraged After Stumbling Upon Entire Netflix Section Dedicated To Kids

HOUMA, LA—Expressing disbelief about what he was seeing, local conservative conspiracy theorist Ted Biddle was reportedly outraged Friday after stumbling upon an entire section on Netflix dedicated to kids. “Jesus Christ, this is more fucked up than we ever realized—it says ‘Kids’ right there!” said Biddle, who leapt to his feet and gripped his head in horror as he surveyed the hundreds of TV shows and movies hidden in plain sight on the streaming service’s interface. “Netflix is just a honeypot for pedophiles. They even have it sorted by age group. Disgusting! There’s probably thousands of hours of it in here. The Last Kids On Earth, Loo Loo Kids, ugh, what the hell is Booba? Who are Alexa & Katie? This repulsive one has two elementary school kids hanging out with an adult dressed in nothing but a cape and underpants. Oh no, they even have stuff with animals. This is just awful. I guess that’s sicko Hollywood for you!” At press time, Biddle had drawn the blinds and eagerly lowered himself back onto the sofa so he could check it out.


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