Illustration for article titled Calf Annoyed By Mother Always Giving Guilt Trip About How Vet Had To Stick Chain Up Vagina To Pull Her Out

GLADWIN, MI—Snapping tersely at her mom for once again bringing up her complicated labor, 10-month-old cow Honeybun expressed annoyance Wednesday that her mother was always giving her a guilt trip with the story of how the vet had to stick a chain up her vagina to pull her out. “Oh my god, I get it already, I’ve been trouble since day one when you had to spend six hours in labor with a man shoulder-deep in your birth canal,” said the heifer, adding that while she understood that having a cold, metal calf jack and a pair of 5-foot chains shoved up there wasn’t fun, she also didn’t appreciate it being used against her every time they argued. “Look, I know it sucked to give birth to me and that the vet and three of his assistants had to use their combined weight to yank me out, but I didn’t ask to be born. Sorry my brothers and sisters just kind of fell out of you directly onto the ground, maybe that’s why I’m such a bad child.” At press time, the cow had stormed off after her mother said she couldn’t wait until Honeybun had selfish, ungrateful calves of her own.


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