L.A. Mayor Unveils Push To End Homelessness By Sending Around Some Pretty Reasonable Zillow Listings

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to help alleviate the city’s worsening crisis, Mayor Eric Garcetti unveiled a new initiative Monday to assist homeless individuals by sending around some Zillow listings that looked pretty reasonable. “We need to act decisively to help our unhoused brothers and sisters, which is why I’ve linked to some nice, modest starter homes that are going for less than market price,” said the mayor in a social media post, urging individuals experiencing homelessness to visit some open houses and put down a deposit immediately to avoid getting into a full-out bidding war with other prospective buyers. “I am calling on all those in our city without a roof over their heads to check out this two-bedroom in Glendale—it’s right by the freeway so it’ll be easy to commute to your job, and the website says it has a resort-style pool, which would be a great way to keep cool during a deadly heatwave. Even if this place isn’t exactly to your taste, you could just buy it now and flip it in a couple years to make quite a tidy profit.” At press time, Garcetti announced that he had further slashed public services since few homeless people had been taking advantage of this generous new program.